There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
