I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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