her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
