We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
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He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Houston, we have a blender
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
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I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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