i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
