it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
