I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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