The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
