it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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