We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
