so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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