By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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