the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
