Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
