i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We just shotgunned beers for America
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
