meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
As shirtless as possible
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
