a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
