everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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