Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
