So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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