We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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