He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
