I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
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She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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