O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I touched a dick in church today
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
