Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
