does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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