I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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