My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
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Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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