Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
