So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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