I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
