She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
