im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
