exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
