your parents love me but you hate me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
