Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Duck Duck Cougar?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
