If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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