So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I need water and some morals
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
