Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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