now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
