She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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