My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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