how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
