Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
