you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
