What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
