god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
