I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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