So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
