eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
