I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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