Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
