As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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