..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
