the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
