i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
