You can't motorboat a personality
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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