So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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