Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.