just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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