Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.