Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
whose parrot is this?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.