i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
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In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
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Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?