Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
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Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
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he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS