OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
