Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
