he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
