You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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