Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
