We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
